As the Easter season comes to a close, we all continue to celebrate the resurrection of our Lord by filling ourselves with all manner of sugary confections. But many people do not realize that there are many more fun and exciting things that can be done with these tasty treats aside from merely eating them, enjoying the sugar rush, and collapsing on the floor three hours later. Consider the Peep. It’s a simple enough item. A marshmallow bird coated in sugar. Brilliant. It seemed only logical to me to roast them around a camp fire one evening up north. Naturally I was worried at first, as I am with all of my food-based experiments. But let me tell you, even I enjoy the occasional flash of spectacular inspiration. It was fantastic. Not only does the marshmallow roast, but the sugar coating caramelizes and hardens, turning an already enjoyable treat into an unstoppable force of excellence. For the betting community, you might also enjoy “jousting peeps.” This is where you place two peeps facing each other inside your microwave. Insert a toothpick into the front of each one. Then activate the microwave. As the peeps expand, the toothpicks will move with them. The first peep to pop its opponent is the victor. See diagram A1.1
Another staple of any traditional Eastertide is the chocolate bunny. One thing I like to do is recreate famous civil war battles, with each bunny representing a different brigade. Naturally I dress them appropriately. But that might not be for everyone. You can also get your hands on a number of G.I Joe’s and/or Ninja Turtles and put on your own production of Harvey. Here’s one I absolutely recommend: If it’s hollow, fill it with more chocolate. Or hot fudge. Make sure to have an ambulance on stand by. Other options: Race them, breed them, juggle them, train them to kill.
I also recommend Cadbury egg omelets. You might also consider rounding up your leftover jelly beans, firing them at high temperatures, and then hammering them into a rather breathtaking mosaic. Oh, and even though it’s not really an Easter food, some time try putting pop tarts into an old toaster, and holding down the lever so that they continue to be heated. Do this outside, and be as far away from it as you can. In short order, flames will shoot out of the toaster a good three feet in the air. (CAUTION: Fire is hot, and has potential to burn you if you touch it. Kai Ta Loipa is hereby not liable if you’re an idiot.)
-Steve McGladdery
