The other day I received an unusual e-mail that was related to my ongoing job search. To fully understand why this happened, I will first say that in my Monster.com profile, I indicate that I have some moderate familiarity with Greek and Hebrew. They did not allow me to specify ancient Greek or ancient Hebrew, but since I am immensely proud of my work with those ancient languages I pretty much tell anyone who will listen. And some who won’t listen. But I digress.
The message I received was an urgent e-mail from a certain airline looking for flight attendants. I thought sure, plenty of travel, probably descent pay and benefits. Why not? But as I read on, I noticed that they were specifically looking for flight attendants who spoke Hebrew. After some consideration, I came to the conclusion that they probably didn’t mean Old Testament Hebrew. I figured that unless they catered to rabbis, I would be of no use to them. But then I, along with a couple close friends, began to speculate on what an ancient Hebrew flight would be like.
“Good evening ladies and gentlemen, this is your High Priest speaking. Any minute now we’ll be taken skyward in a whirlwind of fire, so please fasten your seat belts. We’ll be traveling at an altitude of 50,000 cubits, and should be reaching our destination on the third hour of the fifth day. Meal service will begin in a moment; we will be serving unleavened bread and the flesh of an unblemished lamb, and it is meant to be enjoyed with staff in hand and belt fastened. If you do not want a meal, smear lamb’s blood on the overhead compartment and the flight attendant will pass over your row.
“A flight attendant will be coming by with a beverage rock in a moment, please feel free to strike it with the rod of your choice depending on preference. A quick word to our coach passengers, please refrain from entering the sacred tabernacle divided from you by the curtain. Or first class. At such an intrusion, you will be struck down immediately. Also, please deactivate all electronic devices. Such an offense would cause the anger of the pilot to wax hot against you, and result in your immediate exile. Those of you still boarding, please enter two by two.”
Also, it has been brought to my attention that there is a Steve McGladdery who made the British news for joyriding in an ambulance. If you don’t believe me, Google it. All I will say is that you can’t prove it was me.
-Steve McGladdery
There was no way to get more “Arc” references in there, was there? Maybe when you’re letting the passengers know that the flight crew is doing their once-over on the plane before take off, and they’re attatching the Arc to the front to smite all weather, lay waste to mountains, and of course, destroy all those who don’t shut their eyes. Eh, maybe.